Drinking Beers on the Reg

Last night I had one beer on the couch. After an 8 beer evening, I just wanted to get one on the board. It was a Railbender Ale by the Eerie Brewing company. Pretty good stuff. Feeling kind of sick today so we'll see if I have any tonight, but that's what these giant buffers are for I guess.

Total Beers: 93

Where I should be: 82.191

C is For Cookie

That handsome man is Garrett Oliver, brewmaster for Brooklyn Brewery. For everyone on the West Coast, Brooklyn Brewery is one of the top 3 greatest American breweries, and I'm terribly sorry they do not distribute out there yet. Fortunately for me, I live (relatively) right down the street from this great place. I went there last night for the Liz and Larry birthday spectacular. While the party was great, I think today I want to write about something that has been so far short changed in this space: The beer.

When I say that Brooklyn Brewery is one of the top 3 breweries in the nation, I don't mean to short change other breweries. For instance, if you asked me which American brewery made the best Belgian ales, I would say Ommegang. Best IPAs? That's probably Dogfish Head. But the thing about Brooklyn Brewery is that do EVERYTHING well. From their basic lager to their Brewmaster's Reserve series, any type of beer you can think of, they have an excellent take on that beer. I mean they aren't like Saranac, who makes a million styles of beer, each one as mediocre as the next. These guys do a million styles of beer and they do them all right (as in each beer is done right, not in the "How was the movie?" "It was all right," sense of all right).

Each weekend, the brewery opens itself up for customers (it's not really a bar, they just clear out part of the brewery and set up a bunch of card tables). They generally have about eight of their beers on tap on any given weekend, and at 3 bucks a beer, you're not going to find a better bang for your buck. Given the price and the selection, it's the perfect place to make some headway on drinking 1000 beers in a year, you know, if that was a goal of yours. So at the party I decided I was going to do just that. I drank *SPOILER ALERT* six different types of beer for a total of eight beers last night. Here's the list:

1 Cookie Jar Porter: A porter (who would have guessed??!!) that sort of tastes like an oatmeal cookie. I say "sort of" only to temper your expectations, should you ever drink one. Brooklyn Brewery just came out with this beer about two weeks ago, and all the reviews I read said that it tastes like drinking a cookie. Well that's not how it tastes. It tastes like an excellent porter that has some cookie overtones. I also just noticed that it's hard to think you're writing about beer in a serious manner when you use the phrase "cookie overtones." Anyway, at 8.something ABV, it'll get the job done, assuming your job is getting drunk.

2 Backbreakers: An English Strong Ale, whatever those are. I know a lot about beer and this one is new to me. Beeradvocate.com has Fuller's 1845 listed as the most popular beer in that style, describing the style as "bigger than a pale ale yet smaller than a barleywine," which seems about right. And come to think of it, if someone asked me to describe Backbreaker to them, I probably would have said, "It's sort of a strong ale, not super hoppy, but pretty heavy on the alcohol," so I suppose calling the genre English Strong Ale is pretty apropos, though I'm still not sure where the English part comes in. Whatever it was, it was delicious. And at 7.0 ABV, it will also get the job done.

2 Blasts: Blast is Brooklyn's take on one of my favorite styles of beer, the Double IPA. If you like being punched in the face by a beer, then this is the beer for you. It's a hops explosion (that's something people say, right?). It's also about 9.0 ABV, so that's also pretty great. Perhaps watching this video will explain this beer better than I can:

The remaining beers I had are as follows: 1 Lager, 1 Weisse, and 1 Pilsner, all excellent instantiations of those types of beer. If you want reviews on those, I would check out brooklynbrewery.com. They'll set you straight there.

I guess as one final note on the evening, during the course of the party I ended up hugging some random guy, as will happen when everyone has been drinking for about 6 hours. I only mention this because a game that I like to play that annoys Liz is "Do you think I could..." One time I asked her if she thought I could hug a different stranger a day, everyday, for a year, you know, just to see if I could. She said she didn't think I could. Well I showed her, I showed her good.* But I don't think I'd want to do that. You ever see those dorks wearing signs or shirts saying "Free Hugs"? I hate those people! 1) No one would pay you for a hug, so how is a free one some kind of discount? 2) The people wearing these shirts and signs act like they're doing you a favor by offering a hug, as if everyone out there just needs your gross hairy arms around them to make their day. You're not doing anyone a favor! You just like touching strangers! Don't try to act like this isn't just a ploy to get some girl to think you're "whimsical" and jokingly let you hug her, thereby making YOUR day. I hate you hug-offering skeeves so much.

Total Beers: 92 Where I should be: 79.452

*No I didn't. You astute mathematicians out there probably figured out that one hug does not equal 365 hugs. You think you're so clever.

Just A Couple of Rubes

Yesterday was Liz's 400th birthday so we had ourselves a fancy Manhattan "stay-cation," or "broke-oliday,"* if you will. While it was a perfectly pleasant evening, complete with taking in a show staring a certain High School Musical cast member pictured below, I would like to focus one thing (which is in fact two, as you'll see later!).

**

Well, later is now. That one thing is the fact that I only drank one beer last night. This is two things because I want to talk about the fact that 1) I am not halting my consumption of other types of alcohol during this 1000 beer year, and 2) that one beer was ridiculous.

As to 1), many have asked me if I plan to curtail drinking other alcoholic beverages besides beer during this year. The answer to that is a definitive "no." While naturally my consumption of liquor and wine will go down, as I'm not liable to have three beers on a Tuesday and then toss back a whiskey on the rocks after that, I am in no way going to refuse something else on the rare occasion where I'd rather have something else, just for the sake of having a beer. Case in point, last night's dinner. I wanted a bottle of wine with dinner (to split, I mean I'm not made of money), so I ordered a bottle of wine. I'll consume the beers in time. No need to force things.

As to 2), after the show, Liz and I went to one of those super touristy/awful "Irish" pubs off of Times Square to grab a beer. We ordered a beer each (I got a Harp, for those keeping track). When the beers came out, something seemed odd that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Luckily, Liz figured out the problem. Let's see if you readers can figure it out:

You figure it out? No? Well here's a hint. The person that is holding that glass is Liz. Figure it out yet? No? Ok, hint number two: Liz does not have monstrously gigantic hands. Now? No? Well fine, I'll just tell you. The glasses the beer came in were super-tiny!!!! I mean, it looked like they took a regular pint glass and shrunk it down by about 2/3. The glasses maybe held 12 oz, and that's a big maybe. I wish I would have specifically ordered a pint of Harp instead of just saying, "I'll have a Harp," because then I would have had cause to complain. When the waitress came by to ask if we wanted another beer, I wanted to say, "No, but I'll have the other half of my first one now," but Liz hates it when I make jokes to servers. But don't worry, they still charged me seven bucks a beer. On the whole, I thought the whole thing was hilarious/infuriating. But on the plus side, tonight I am off to the Brooklyn Brewery, which should be the exact opposite of that place.

Total Beers: 84 Where I should be: 76.712

*See this joke is doubly funny because 1)We wanted to go somewhere out of town but were too broke. So instead we 2) Spent a whole ton of money in Manhattan on dinner/drinks/show/hotel and now are in fact broke. Topical humor!

**Get it?? Get it??!!

That's Just How Budgeting Works

You might think that last night would have been a perfect opportunity to get my "political drinking" on, what with the State of the Union being on and the myriad of drinking games to go along with it. Well, you'd be wrong, as always. At least half wrong, anyways. I did do the ol' three beers on the couch thing (2 Red Oval Lagers, 1 Simpler Times Lager, both types of beer are now gone from my fridge and I will be doing my drinking outside of the apartment for the foreseeable future), but I did not watch the SOTU, as the insiders call it. Why? Who knows? I was half-assedly reading trademark and the super long applause breaks really bore me. And what with the time-shifting and the 24 news cycle and the internet and the death of print media and all the other things, I got the salient points this morning.

Now that everyone knows that I am a Bad American, I can get to what to what I wanted to briefly talk about. It's snowing!!!!!! WEEEEEE!!!!!!!! I woke up this morning to go to the gym (I'll talk about this an upcoming 'Debunking the Myth of the Beer Gut' post), looked outside and saw that it was snowing. Then I remembered that the gym is closed today. Then I remembered that I have a bottle of Bethlehem Brew Works Rude Elf Special Reserve (also known as the perfect winter beer) stashed away. Then I remembered it was 8:30 in the morning. While I am all for turning beer into a breakfast/brunch cocktail in the same vein as the mimosa or bloody marry, it should probably accompany an actual breakfast or brunch. So while Snow + Rude Elf seems like a no brainer, Snow + Rude Elf + 8:30 in the morning unfortunately gives me some pause. However, if it was Snow + Snow + Rude Elf + Whatever Time Day or Night, well that would definitely be a green light for drinking.

Total Beers: 83 Where I should be: 73.972

Pure Power!

Three beers at home last night: 2 Red Oval Lagers, 1 Simpler Times Lager.

Total: 80

Where I should be: 71.232

Crisis Averted

As the old adage goes, Satan doesn't open a door without causing you a considerable amount of mental anguish. Well believe you me, what ever wise old Frenchman first uttered that phrase knew what he was talking about. Allow me to explain. In my case, Satan is my wife. The door she opened was my fridge's door. After reading what she called my "whiny post" about lacking beer and "being afraid to go out in the rain," she took it upon herself to trek to Trader Joe's for groceries and beer. She returned home with one six pack of Simpler Times Lager, priced at 5 dollars a six pack, and one six pack of Red Oval Lager, priced at a ridiculous 3 dollars a six pack! Here seems like an appropriate place for the sweet joke I thought of last night: My anticipated beer-free evening turned out to be a surprising evening of free beer!* (Note: I did not take that picture. I found that on the internet. The internet has pictures of everything on it!)

Simpler Times Lager, as I've said before, is actually pretty decent. It's 6.2 ABV and is quite tasty. For 5 bucks a six, you'd be hard pressed to find a better bang for you buck (Equally good is the Simpler Times Pilsner, a little lighter on the ABV side but no less tasty). Now, here comes the mental anguish part of my extended metaphor, which by now we should all agree is very apt. Red Oval Lager, while made by the same people as Simpler Times, is kind of gross. Not flavorless in a Bud Lite kind of way, but gross in a Strohs or Schlitz kind of way. I wouldn't say it's undrinkable, but on the whole, if price wasn't an issue, I choose Simpler Times 10 out of 10 times if given the choice between the two.

But therein lies the problem. Price is an issue for me. Simpler Times comes in at about 83 cents a can, while Red Oval Lager comes in at about 50 cents a can. That's a difference of 33 cents per can. Go ahead, check my math if you don't believe me. While that difference may seem negligible at first glance, I anticipate Trader Joe's beers to constitute upwards of 200 of my 1000 beers. If I only drank Simpler Times for those 200 beers, I would spend $66 dollars more over the course of the year. Again, while that may not seem like much, to think of that another way, that's 6,600 pennies, which put side-by-side would stretch more than the length of a football field (this is true! I did the math!). Or to think of it another, more helpful way, that's money for 22 extra six packs of Red Oval Lager. So what's a man on a mission to do? Drink more or drink better?

When it comes down to it, I think the question boils down to, "Would I pay $66 a year to ensure that every beer I drink over that year tastes better than Red Oval Lager?" The answer to that question, I'm pretty sure, is yes. But we'll see. Sometimes I might get super cheap. Sometimes I might only have 3 dollars on me. But as far as I can tell, Red Oval Lager's time in my fridge will be short lived.

So on to the beer drinking. Last night I drank 4 beers in my apartment (I was only going to drink 3, but then Liz decided she wanted one, and what am I going to do? Let my wife drink alone? I'm not a monster.) 2 Simpler Times Lagers and 2 Red Oval Lagers.

Total Beers: 77 Where I should be: 68.493

*Boooooooooo!

Scheduled Interruption

I just read about a guy who went to 1000 bars in one year. This guy (http://thousandbars.blogspot.com/) makes my journey look like amateur hour. However, it just strengthens my resolve to actually complete this thing.

And while I wanted to build suspense about this, I have beer in my apartment! So do not fret, my loyal hypothetical readers, there will be an update (possibly extensive?) tomorrow!