A New Years Resolution

Writing down my New Years resolutions has a remarkable way of making way of making them come true. In 2005, I resolved to get fired from a job and move to Washington D.C. I posted these resolutions somewhere in the annals of the internet, and sure enough, within the next four months, both of those resolutions came to pass. In 2006, I resolved to become the world's strongest man and the world's best battle-rapper, writing down these resolution in a similar forum. While I have yet to really test either of those claims, they haven't been demonstrably proven false, so I can only assume that those resolutions have also come to pass. Having become the world's strongest man and the best battle-rapper on the planet (any and all challenges to these claims are welcome*), I decided to give resolving to do things a rest, and instead took up drinking.

I like drinking a wide variety of alcoholic beverages. In fact, I'll drink just about anything that has a modicum of flavor (we'll address this later), but first and foremost I fancy myself a beer guy. Beer is to me what chocolate is to Cathy, lasagna is to Garfield, and swear words are to David Mamet. It isn't about just getting loaded (except when it is), it's about the taste, experience, and all around culture of drinking a beer.**

Fast-forward to New Years Eve, 2010 (December 31, 2009, just so we're all clear). I am sitting on my in-laws couch having a few beers. Somewhere along the lines, someone starts talking about New Years resolutions. Having no flaws to fix, and being the model of cunning wit, I jokingly resolve to drink 1000 beers in 2010. To the best of my recollection, hearty laughs were had by all, and we continue our merry, drinking ways. The next several days were spent at various at family parties, dinners with friends, and just in general enjoying the holidays. Naturally, drinking accompanied all of these activities. Around January 4th or so, I was talking with my wife, Liz, wondering if how much I had drank in the last several days would put me on pace to finish my mock-resolution. In my rough calculations, I had to drink about 37 beers a day, over the course of the year, to drink 1000 beers in 2010. Liz, who is not an idiot (which also explains her refusal to join me in my quest), actually crunched the numbers. Apparently, to drink 1000 beers over the course of 365 days, one would have to drink 2.739 beers per day.

I thought to myself, "A little under three beers a day. That's do-able. Heck, I might even drink 1000 beers in a year without even meaning to do so! I could actually do this! This will be the worst year of Liz's life!"

I then wrote down every beer I could remember drinking since 12:00 A.M. January 1, 2010. It turns out I was way ahead of schedule. I kept track of all the beer drinking I had done since then (I'll post this later), just to make sure that I could actually keep this up. Apparently I can.

So, even though this may be a few weeks late, I still think writing this down will aid me in my awesome goal.

Be it resolved: I will drink 1000 beers in 2010.

*No they're not.

**If you think that sounded pretentious, you should read Beer & Philosophy, edited by Steven Hales. Now that book has some serious pretense. However, if you didn't think that sounded pretentious, you should read Beer & Philosophy, edited by Steven Hales, as it contains some accessible discussions about all three of those beer-related characteristics.