99 Bottles of Beer on My Blog

The title of this post comes from Liz, who was tripping balls on Thermaflu and a 101 degree fever when she said it. You may have guessed from the title that I have in fact hit 99 beers. Also, using your best deductive reasoning skills, you probably figured out that I had some beers last night. You're so smart! I'll tell you this now: last night I had four beers, 1 giant bottle of Sam Adams Noble Pils (I'll insert a story right here. I never had this beer before, as it's pretty new. I wondered what the ABV of it was, and before I looked it up, I guessed 5.2. Well guess what chumps? It was 5.2! I have extremely useful skills. I will probably put this ability on my resume.) , 1 Brooklyn Lager, 1 Brooklyn Pennant Ale, and 1 Brooklyn Brown Ale. I'll mix it up even more and put the numbers in the middle here:

Total Beers: 99

Where I Should Be: 98.630

Well look at that. I am back on schedule. More importantly, I am feeling juuuuust fine, ready get back to it tonight. And even more importantly, I have giant decision to make. What should me 100th beer be? Seems like a pretty momentous occasion, and I don't want to waste it on just any old beer. I will admit that I had hoped to be at 100 by the end of January, but you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men...I'm not actually sure how that saying ends. The point is it didn't happen.

Here's my thought on the 100th beer. You may recall a few posts back when I discussed snow, Snow, and Rude Elf. Well guess what chumps (Another long story I'll stick in a paranthetical. I just typed that sentence and didn't even realize that I had typed the exact same thing two paragraphs back. It seems I woke up in mood to call you all chumps and make you guess things.)? It's snowing!!!!!!!!!!!! And I still have a couple of bottles of Rude Elf!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (this is what they call in the publishing biz, "symmetry"*)! So the decision seems obvious, right? Not so fast, chumps. Rude Elf clocks in at around 11.o ABV, AND it's one of those giant 25 oz bottles. Meaning: drinking it would essentially be the equivalent of drinking a whole bottle of wine by myself. I am willing to do this, but due to my self imposed limitations, it would only count as one beer, and much like early morning dew in the summer, I would be gone after an hour.** If I did this, I run the risk of only drinking 2 or 3 beers tonight, which would seem like a waste of a perfectly good Saturday evening.

But you know what? I don't think I can argue with the universe here. This may be the last snow of the season, or hopefully it is, and there might not be any more Rude Elf drinking weather. Combine that with the fortuitous chance to have one of my favorite beers of all time mark my completion of 1/10th of my 1000 beers, and I think I have my answer. I'll be having a Brooklyn Lager for my 100th beer.*** Psyche!**** It'll be a Rude Elf. You chumps are so gullible.

*That's true as far as I know.

**I recognize that's the worst simile of all time, I just wanted to use all three homonyms of do/due/dew in the same sentence.

***Classic misdirect!

****Classic psyche out!