Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce You're a B

I'll go ahead and put the numbers upfront.

Total Beers: 95

Where I Should Be: 95.890

Well there you have it. I am below the magic line. I am officially behind schedule. When my book comes out, I think this chapter will be called "The Lost Week." As you can surmise from the numbers, I didn't do any drinking last night. Could I have? Maybe. But here's the thing. In addition to participating in an ill-advised, self-imposed drinking challenge, I also have to somewhat function as a human being. I know, I know. I said I expected this challenge to ruin my life a little bit, and I still do. But in the words of the immortal John Darnielle,* you just can't do things your body won't let you, and my body wouldn't let me put any beer into it last night. Jumping back in the game too soon was an awful, awful idea. I hate to be cliche, but it was one step forward and then two steps back and a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush and the grass is always greener on the other side.

But there is a silver lining to every cloud (see what I did there?). By abstaining from beer for a day longer than I absolutely had to, I feel confident that I will be able to bounce back tonight and this weekend with tenacity. Even if I only drink three beers a day for the rest of the week, I'll still be ahead of schedule by next Thursday. Also, for future American Bar Association admission panelists determining my fitness of character, this should conclusively prove that I do not have a drinking problem, that I can, in fact, take time off from drinking. And let's think about something for a second. I only drank three beers over the course of the week, yet I am less than one beer behind schedule! That's insane! At least it seems insane to me.

I still have that case of Brooklyn beers, and lest you fret, I am getting back to it tonight! In the spirit of complex metaphors (I think that's the word I want to use here), watch this video of Jason Richardson destroying Carlos Boozer's fragile ego back in 2003 to understand the bounce back I will have!

*I don't think anyone has tried cutting his head off, so I don't know how true the "immortal" description is.